Out of my comfort zone
Oh dear, what have I done? Just this morning I was busy watering the plants, feeding my dogs, and doing the laundry. I never thought I would run away from home shortly after breakfast, get on a plane, and end up in Cebu on the very same day.
Perhaps it was the thirst for adventure. I had been planning to leave but my mother would always advise me against it by pulling the “mother card.” She knew I have a soft spot for her and I could never dare to deliberately hurt my own mom…well, except for today.
If my sister hadn’t shame me on facebook, spewed hurtful words, and sabotaged my relationships with my friends and our relatives, I wouldn’t be here. I would’ve been in my room right now, missing my fiance, and feeling trapped and bored. It would’ve been the same old routine.
I ran away from home before the walls could talk me into ending my life. I had to leave my plants, my dogs, my own family for the sake of finding myself. A home without fairness, reason, and forgiveness suffocates the soul. Besides, I was no longer wanted there by my own sister. My very existence is poison to her for unjustifiable reasons that not even my mom dared to contest. . No, it’s not even a home anymore. Home is supposed to be a place of harmony, peace, and love.
So there I was in my room, crying my heart out while her hurtful words played on loop on my mind. I talked to my cousin and felt better but feeling better was not enough. My heart told me it was time to go. I packed up my saggy backpack, threw in some casual clothes, basic necessities, and my laptop. I walked as fast as I could. I walked even faster when my mom saw me and called my name in her usual scolding voice. I didn’t look back or stopped for her.
I was gonna do something I never had the guts to do--and it was weird. My mind was hesitant and apprehensive but my feet kept walking. It was like my heart pushed my brain to the backseat and took control of the steering wheel. It was high time it did that.
Melody
I bought a ticket at the airport, checked in, and found a seat at Dunkin Donuts. I was already miles away from home but I was still on a daze, unsure of what I was doing. A lady my age asked if I could look after her baggage while she takes a toilet break. I said yes. When she returned, she began asking about my flight. I told her I didn’t really know what I was doing or where I wanted to go. She asked why and I told her the truth. “That’s why I ran away from home,” I said. She replied, “I think you did the right thing.”
Time flew swiftly with her company. We talked about our family and finding ourselves. She talked about how excited she was to come home. I talked about how excited I was to be far, far, away from home. We chatted while having an early dinner and then we bought bracelets to remind us of our meeting. I’d like to think it was not a chance encounter. She saved me from spending my long unoccupied hours in doubt, fear, and emotional pain. It was exactly what I needed to get through the journey without an ounce of guilt.
Leaving On A Jetplane
When she left, I opened my laptop and typed my thoughts on the white screen. I wrote about why I left and what I want to achieve in this unplanned journey. A dialogue with myself. The plane arrived and I got on it without the heavy baggage that I had been carrying for days.
It was raining and I could see some faint lightning from the distance. This is dangerous, I thought. The concept of danger made me think of my fiance who was probably doing more dangerous stuff at the moment. I felt proud of myself for introducing a little bit of danger into my life. So this is how it feels like? I whispered a prayer for safety but deep inside I was thrilled and even open to danger. If I die, they would blame themselves. Luckily, our plane was spared from a lightning strike. I didn’t wanna go that way after all even for a million remorseful tears.
When we were about to land, the night sky had cleared up. I could see the Orion’s Belt from my window and thought of the times I saw it from our yard. I thought of home but not out of yearning. The sky was filled with stars but the city below shined even brighter. I imagined I was visiting another planet where the inhabitants were weird-looking aliens with a different language. Oh how it would’ve excited me, especially if I was with Doctor Who!
But in reality, I haven’t really gone away from home. Its just a matter of perspective. The enchanting city lights aren’t clusters of bright twinkling stars but just some headlights of cars carrying tired passengers. They’re just some lamp posts on some lonely streets or lights from broken homes. Up in the air, everything looks better. It’s a shame humans weren’t gifted with wings. We could have seen everything in different angles and perspectives. Oh how it would’ve made our lives easier.
